Compassion binds us to one another – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.” – Nelson Mandela
Empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to help figure out what they might be feeling. It helps foster relationships, build greater social connections and bonding. Here are five things you can do that will help you know how to respond to those in our community who might have a need:
Ask questions, don’t raise them: It is said that there are no wrong questions. It’s true for a classroom, yes. Understand that the person who decides to share their feelings with you is putting his or her guard down and accepting feeling vulnerable. Sometimes in eagerness to help, it is easy to get confrontational and direct.
Avoid asking questions like, “Why don’t you just do this/that?” or ” Why can’t you …?”. Instead ask “Would you mind explaining it…” or “Could you share how you came to this conclusion?” Such statements help you understand their point of view and needs.
- Show compassion: Understand that it is different from pity. It is kindness that we need to be expressing. Instead of just being sad for one, do more. Compassion is when you notice the feelings of others and recognize that person is in pain, and then you do whatever is in your power to ease their suffering.
- Do not downplay or minimize the feelings: We all have different levels or capacity in which we deal with our issues or troubles. What might be a simple situation for one person can be a Rubik’s cube for another (yes, some of us find that cube daunting :P). Avoid using sentences like “It’s not that bad” or “here’s what you should do instead” or even “Aren’t you over thinking?”. A conversation filled with judgement of others may result in making the person you’re speaking with self-conscious and they might then be afraid to open up to you and may shut down completely.
- Declutter your own emotions: Decluttering is when we remove unnecessary items from a crowded place. Our own tangled emotions make up our mental clutter. When we have fewer things on mind we are better equipped to help. We don’t all have all answers at all times, but a clearer mind will hear and understand better and will be a greater help.
- Just listen: To be able to simply listen is a great skill. Sometimes all people want is to be heard – without judgement, criticism or blame. Listen to the person who’s trying to open up, hear them out, try to understand where their thoughts are coming from. Reacting to their feelings in an abrupt or apathetic manner might further the damage. So, don’t just hear what they say, listen to what they are trying to say.
Remember, as an untrained professional you are simply trying to listen with awareness and be a part of the support system if you can for the person who needs. You are not trying to be correctional – that is the job of a professional. Having said that, sensitivity, compassion and eagerness to listen – these are superpowers in their own sense. Lend a helpful hand whenever you can, you never know yours might just be the one they need.
